Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Getting over the "hump"-My Blahness personified

Recently I've had trouble getting over that "hump" in life, in my career, in my writing and fitness pretty much in every sphere of my life (even my love life ) just getting to that next stage, that level of financial fitness, physical fitness and intimacy has been really hard actually I feel like I'm standing still like my life has come to a stop. Even though it's progressed far from where it was four months ago it still seems like I'm running on a life treadmill barely staying on point long enough just to avoid utter chaos.

We have set up plans, goals and are working toward them but I'm not sure if the sense of urgency is coming from the fact that my 28th birthday is coming up, closer to 30th and I'm still not anywhere I want to be. I haven't finished my book, school, bought a house or lost weight. My life to do list seems to be a permanent series of unchecked boxes, action items taunting me with their in-completion and I know there is no one on earth who can remedy this but me.

I find it puzzling that I would never leave a work task undone at the end of the day but I have no problem letting my gym sit there unused day after day. I cook meals for everyone else in my household but rarely will take the time to make myself breakfast for the hour commute to my office, I'm helping to build up a small business that isn't mine and I barely can get the motivation to write. What happened to that 21 year old girl who was going to set the world on fire, make a difference and be an award winning writer? How did the go getter I was turn into the Doctor Who marathon watcher who eats potato chips for dinner?

Worse yet I don't know how to break the cycle, how do you shake off Blahness? Do you do it slowly or just rip it off like a Band-Aid? I've gotten so mired in my inertia of nothingness that I'm going to have to do something drastic to shake things up. What do you do to help you shake off the drudgery? I'd love to hear any ideas.
-CGINTW (Maybe Chubby Girl Soon to Rejoin The World) is more accurate

Sunday, October 21, 2012

The self imposed no new make up rule

So I joined this new website called squawkbox.com, it's about budgeting, saving and getting a handle on your financial future. Most arguments in relationships are about money, my relationship is not an exception to this rule, often there are arguments over how to spend, when to spend and how much to spend all things addressed at squawkbox, I also went to feedthepig.com and after using one of their online tools, the numbers were staggering. My coffee habit alone was costing us over $1,500 a year. Starbucks although delicious is not going to help us buy a house.

 But the real kicker was my makeup habit, I thought I was doing an excellent job buying things only on sale at Ulta and leveraged magazine offers for free samples and gifts. Turns outs all my beauty swag was costing over $1680 a year! So that's over $3,180 a year in random silly expenses. This is the exact amount we need for a down payment on a house where we live. The overwhelming guilt I felt as I looked at my literally full drawers of make up almost made me heave at my extravagance compared to my mates frugality.

Big will not spend a penny on eating out, he'd rather take his lunch with him to work and pocket the cash. He doesn't have any expensive hobbies, and he never asks for anything. He will deny himself things to the point of absurdity, right now his tennis shoes have holes in them and his socks are soaking wet because we live in the Portland area. But he insists that we wait until next pay day to purchase new ones.

Our spending styles differ so greatly that I've have to remind myself to think the way a saver would. Growing up even though I worked my whole young adult life, saving for the future was always incredibly difficult for me, because there was always something new to experience, something new to be had like a book or the latest style which in my head I believed I'd earned after working so hard.

 To me money equaled freedom, freedom from my parents reach, freedom from boredom, freedom to travel. So when someone tells me I must not spend money on my flavor of the week, I have a strong emotional reaction as if someone were trying to censor me, and if they are that must mean they do not approve of me as a person. It's almost like being rejected, for someone to say " no we should do this" with our money.  After exploring those feelings I've come up with a plan.

No new make up until it all runs out. As in no little casual trips to the makeup counter, no holiday splurge on a pallette of sparkle that I already own three times over. I'm going to use every tube, stick, primer etc until it's all gone, then and only then will I allow myself to buy new make up or accessories. I've also decided to make my coffee at home and take it to work.

These things will be a little hard to get used to at first but after a while I'll hardly notice them. Because the pay off, the picture of the little cottage house with the picket fence is worth all the coffee and make up in the world.
-A more grown up
CGINTW

Sunday, October 14, 2012

I'm not dead yet!

Love is absolutely incredibly wonderful....for the first three months. Then life starts happening, money gets tight, someone loses a job or gets a pay cut or unexpected expenses come up. These situations are the true test of love, respect and admiration. How can you save you love some one if you're not willing to pony up and do what's needed. I'm lucky enough to have a partner who recognized how much we were struggling and did something about it....after some time.

Although we each have our good intentions, our dreams and ambitious it has been a challenge to find ways to enhance and not hinder each other at times. It's been at the very least trying on both our patiences. Even though we are still far from stable, it's on the horizon.

 I've been MIA from Chubby Girl In the World for too long. For a while I was starting to think nothing I wrote mattered, that no one really paid attention to my little corner of the internet and then I remembered that as much as I love my readers I didn't start this blog for anyone else's sanity but my own.

 My life got so hectic that I forgot this blog was my outlet into the wider world, some people paint, some people play music, I write. It's funny how we sometimes forget our own method of catharsis.
I was depressed, frustrated, feeling ineffective and basically just run down. I didn't want any of you to think I had given up on you, thank you for reaching out and making sure I was okay, rest assured CGINTW is in effect and so legitamate we cannot be stopped.
-Stefanie
P.S. Tomorrow night- a secret look into the mind of men who "neg" and why we fall for the head games.