So since June I've been unemployed until Monday of this week I had to fill my time mostly with bad television, the internet and some writing but mostly television. I could feel my humanity ebbing away with ever episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. No purpose, no drive, no verve or vigor. I was depressed and even though I had all the time in the world I wasn't motivated to work out, write or do any of the things people in the working world dream of having time for.
Yesterday something weird happened, my new employer complimented me and told me how happy they were I was there, it lit a fire underneath me, spurring new ideas, goals, new energy into me. How strange that just a few "attagirls" from relative stranger got me going.
When I got off from work I hit rush hour traffic and was stopped on one of the Portland bridges (there are a few) and I looked over at the water, glistening in the afternoon sun. I wasn't even upset we were moving at a snails pace, somehow I felt like everything was falling into place, like I had me back again. Even the confusing exits and twisting roads didn't deter my mood. I had never realized how truly my self worth was tied to my ability to create income I truly believed that was something I just told myself and others to "appear feminist". It wasn't until I actually stopped working that I realized how much I truly had invested of years of work experience, the self actualization of bringing home my own bacon and how much the lack of that feeling affected every other facet of my life.
Time is no longer on my side and I might not fit in everything I want to do today but at least I'll actually feel like getting out of my pj's tomorrow.