Thursday, May 10, 2012

Fat girl fantasy- in a perfect world

In my perfect world it wouldn't matter if I was 125 or 325 pounds, I would be judged my my work ethic, by my ambition and my ability to get things done.

This is not the world we live in. People make instant decisions about who we are and what our value is based solely upon outward appearances, that is not to say they can't be persuaded otherwise by actions but if never given the opportunity to disproved their false opinion then it stands to reason we will always be the first impression.

I have always tried to maintain a professional demeanor and outward appearance not only to convince others of my worth but myself. I've found that I need convincing of my worth constantly because more often than not I am the largest woman in the room.

You might say that it doesn't matter how large or small you are as long as you can get the job done. Yes it matters, it matters to me because I know how infuriating it is to be thought of a " second rate" because you are not the person they really wanted I see.

What they wanted was a well groomed, tall tan Caucasian woman who has perfect legs and impossible proportions. Well I'm 5 feet tall 298 pounds now and look like a Mexican umpa loompa. So sorry to disappoint but I still increased sales by 20% and managed to retain 30% more of the clientele than any other person in my position. I speak two languages and am always on hand to help. Those things should mean something but they don't always.

Don't they think if I could snap my fingers and be different I would? Do they really believe that being obese is a "life choice" do they not realize its an accumulation of ritualized behavior, addiction and emotional malestroms all rolled up into one?

I'm feeling very disappointed in myself for gaining weight, I'm angry that it matters so much and I feel like I'm completely out of control. Like nothing is going right and everything is off balance. Hard to see light at the end of the tunnel.

How do you deal with set backs my lovelies? Either in weight loss, business or jus everyday life? Let me know some of the things you do on the comments sections I could use the advice

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