Sunday, March 20, 2011

Voted Most likely to be....something?

My whole life people have told me I have great potential, what this actually meant or what they thought this meant I'm not sure, but I do know I have not lived up to my own expectations.  Case in point
 My Five year old self:
Goals: be a doctor, a princess and a mommy all by 30 (very old to my 5 year old self)
My 10-15 year old self:
Goals: Being a doctor was too hard, so I moved on to wanting to be the first woman President

My 18-24 year old Self:

I decided being the President was a pretty hard gig so I settled on becoming a paralegal and aspiring attorney, thought I'd be married by 22, done with law school by 25 and having my first child by 26

Here's what actually happened: I dropped out of high school to help support a boyfriend at the time who was in trouble, he was living in his car at the time and was in desperate need for shelter and someone who wasn't quite as needy as him. This relationship languished on for over 3 years and then I moved on to even more self destructive pastures, survived (literally) a toxic addiction to men who behave badly and then tucked my tail between my legs  and headed home, I have been hiding ever since. Hiding from the fact that all my dreams, all my notions of who I am have been put on hold. I didn't know who I was before this and right now I feel as though I've been left behind in the "self discovery" phase of things. I thought by my mid-twenties I would be confident in who I am, and what I want but it seems the more I look at myself the more questions I have.
 Is there an expiration date on becoming who you're meant to be? Is there a point where it's just too late to meet your destiny of being....something?

-CGINTW