Skip to main content

According to me you don't matter any more

This is not for you, the one who hurt me, betrayed me, beat down my soul, no this is for me, this is for the anger, the pain, the sorrow you've caused, it is the requiem of all of those things for after this, I will leave them and never think of them or you again. I've spent so much time in darkness, so much time wasted believing you, all the horrible things you told me, all the time wishing I could make you better, hoping some how we would get through it. I did nothing to deserve the torture you meted out, and loved you, trusted you even though you gave me no cause or reason to do either.

After the bruises healed, and the doctors told me my injuries were "relatively minor" I took me and my broken ribs home, I looked around at the wreckage that had become my life with you. I decided that it had been enough, that I had given enough to you. I left everything, wanted nothing from you and like always that is exactly what I received, you never once even tried to find out if I was okay, though I knew you wouldn't it still came as a shock. I had truly believed that you loved me and just didn't know how to show it, I had believed the lies you'd told me, the truth was like an icy cold shower, sudden, and heart stopping.

I cried for weeks, sometimes for no apparent reason at all. At first I thought it was because I missed what I thought I'd had. Slowly I began to realize that I was crying for the me who had lost her way, I had become someone unrecognizable to myself. I wasn't the happy, determined girl who left home, I looked beaten down, defeated and just plain sad. A couple of times, the pain was just too much and it was so easy to take one more drink, take one more pill and to know it would all disappear. Luckily I have people in my life who care too much about me to let me end up like you. Your story is truly a sad one and though you've endured many unfortunate circumstances yourself, you have yet to learn how to overcome them.

But this is not for you, this is for me and for anyone else who the story sounds all too familiar. It is something we don't talk about in "polite" society. This for anyone who has ever been hurt, mistreated, abused or other wise emotionally malnourished by someone. Today is the day, you say good bye to all those bad thoughts, to all the insults, to all the negative talk, today is the day we let go and drop it by the way side, it was never ours to carry and it is time we gave it back. I've started an entirely new life, with new love and old friends and I don't miss you at all. In fact, you are nothing but a foot note in my story.
Here's to new beginnings,
CGITW

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Winter is coming...

So my fiance and I are obsessed with Game of Thrones. We love Danny, hate Jofferey and yes I read the f@uking books! So winter is here, I've been snowed in for three days here in Wilsonville,OR with one of the largest snow storms to hit the area since 1996. So in order to keep from getting cabin fever I've decided to share with you lovlies the pieces which I'm currently coveting from Igigi and a new source I found called Navbi (much more expensive, think Nordstroms for plus sizes).  I also wanted to make you aware (as if you didn't know) how awesome some modcloth stuff is. I just purchased the travel day skirt on sale for 14.99, we do love a bargain.

Things drool worthy from Igigi:


Zola Dress $118 I imagine mysels as Reese witherspoon in this dress, cute, quirky and loveable.
garnet dress in black, perfect for office or cocktails. I imagine the model as a Bond girl, with a thigh holster and .22 tucked inside her dress.
Cadence Dress $118.
I think I could take over the wor…

Shout out to local businesses!- Please support local and homegrown plus size friendly business in your area! This is the Portland edition

If you're in Portland Metro area do not miss out on going to two shops one in Northwest called Fat Fancy which has killer vintage and new styles for the plus size retro princesses out there and in the Southeast there is Savvy Plus run by the beautiful and awesome Gaya (I'm not sure if I spelled that right! Someone please correct me if I'm wrong).

Fat Fancy- great for both men and women and the funky little shop is right in the heart of downtown Portland so it's a great destination if you're on the Northwest side of town and wanna do some shopping. My favorite piece I got there is the amazing graphic crop top I use over camis. The girls who work here are amazing at making you feel comfortable and helping you find exactly what you're looking for.

Savvy-Plus has been and will continue to be my first destination when shopping for casual and career wear. I went in yesterday and was so excited about all the new things, the inventory is constantly changing so go in at…

Overcoming the "I'm too fat for this."

I have not been posting lately due to many reasons, I'm back in school, I'm working full time again and I've been stuck in a depressive cycle in which I overeat, condemn myself for being a glutton tell myself I'll never amount to anything and then overeat again to make myself feel better. Wow, that sound really crazy when I say it like that. But so many women I know have told me the go through exactly the same thing. We lie awake at night thinking about all the terrible things we did to our bodies that day. I had McDonalds and Taco Bell all in the same day; word to the wise don't do this.

Tomorrow I have to go out networking, normally this is a chance for me to increase our connections or strengthen ones we already have and hopefully broker us more deals in the process but really it's about relationship building and frankly I've been pretty terrible at it lately. Why has my performance decreased so drastically? Because I don't think I deserve to be ther…