Sunday, May 23, 2010

Long distance relationships, our first reader question and how I still believe in Americans

So Mr. Big and I don't exactly live next door to each other, he commutes 2 hours back and forth just to see me for a day or two once a week. With all the technology at our fingertips, both of us agree there is no substitute for real, face time. I never thought anyone could care about me enough, love me enough or think I was special enough to make such a trip once, let alone over and over again just to be with lil ole me. You would think the distance would diminish the flames of desire after a time but no such thing has happened thus far, in fact it merely becomes an inferno when we do get to see each other. LDRs (long distance relationships) are not the ideal for anyone and work for very few, but with us it just seems to click. We seamlessly transition from cuddling to debating national foreign policy.Yes our civil liberties and the accurate accounting of our history is currently in danger from crazy factions who are merely puppets in a much grander scheme that has everything to do with money. This is reason for alarm but I'm responding with the hope and trust that our American ideals, our rebellious nature as a country is deep seeded in our psyche. We are not a people to be pushed around, we can no longer afford to ignore what comes natural to us, the seeking of truth, justice for even our most unfortunate citizens (and people who wish to become citizens), and standing against the oppression of freedom anywhere in our country. This is not the conservatives, the liberals, the Dems or the Rep. parties' America. This is our country and it is high time we started acting like it again, we make the decisions, we decide what we will and will not stand for, I still believe in our ability as a people to rule by common sense, by facts and to apply our passions stategically and with wisdom. (Gets off Soap Box)

Reader Question!

CG-
My boyfriend is pressuring me to have sex with him before he leaves for college, I'm 16 and want to wait for marriage, he says if I really love him I'll do it for him before he leaves. I don't know what to do.
-Confusedgrrl


Confusedgrrl-
So many young women have this same question, should they, shouldn't they? When's the right time? How will I feel about it afterward? All these questions are normal and valid. The truth is only you can know if you're ready to take a relationship to that next level, what I will say is that now being older I know at 16 that was not ready for such a big step, it was emotionally confusing, and I didn't pick the brightest crayon in the box that's for sure. I really think you need to examine why you would do this, if someone is trying to convince you to do something, it means you really didn't want to in the first place, and someone who really loved you would wait until you were ready and wouldn't pressure you into something so important. Sex is a wonderful, fun and special part of a relationship and your young adult life, don't start the story as a tragedy, write yourself a romance novel, and even if it ends up a comedy of errors, at least you'll have a smile on your face and not tears in your eyes when it's over.
-Chubby Girl

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

According to me you don't matter any more

This is not for you, the one who hurt me, betrayed me, beat down my soul, no this is for me, this is for the anger, the pain, the sorrow you've caused, it is the requiem of all of those things for after this, I will leave them and never think of them or you again. I've spent so much time in darkness, so much time wasted believing you, all the horrible things you told me, all the time wishing I could make you better, hoping some how we would get through it. I did nothing to deserve the torture you meted out, and loved you, trusted you even though you gave me no cause or reason to do either.

After the bruises healed, and the doctors told me my injuries were "relatively minor" I took me and my broken ribs home, I looked around at the wreckage that had become my life with you. I decided that it had been enough, that I had given enough to you. I left everything, wanted nothing from you and like always that is exactly what I received, you never once even tried to find out if I was okay, though I knew you wouldn't it still came as a shock. I had truly believed that you loved me and just didn't know how to show it, I had believed the lies you'd told me, the truth was like an icy cold shower, sudden, and heart stopping.

I cried for weeks, sometimes for no apparent reason at all. At first I thought it was because I missed what I thought I'd had. Slowly I began to realize that I was crying for the me who had lost her way, I had become someone unrecognizable to myself. I wasn't the happy, determined girl who left home, I looked beaten down, defeated and just plain sad. A couple of times, the pain was just too much and it was so easy to take one more drink, take one more pill and to know it would all disappear. Luckily I have people in my life who care too much about me to let me end up like you. Your story is truly a sad one and though you've endured many unfortunate circumstances yourself, you have yet to learn how to overcome them.

But this is not for you, this is for me and for anyone else who the story sounds all too familiar. It is something we don't talk about in "polite" society. This for anyone who has ever been hurt, mistreated, abused or other wise emotionally malnourished by someone. Today is the day, you say good bye to all those bad thoughts, to all the insults, to all the negative talk, today is the day we let go and drop it by the way side, it was never ours to carry and it is time we gave it back. I've started an entirely new life, with new love and old friends and I don't miss you at all. In fact, you are nothing but a foot note in my story.
Here's to new beginnings,
CGITW

Saturday, May 1, 2010

The Return of Mr. Big

Love is a terrifying ordeal, and someone very wise once told me we do things for two reasons, fear and love. Love defies all laws of the universe, it is faster than light, it outlives both its source and its destination and leaves a lasting impression for future observers, something no other force in our known universe can do. We open our selves up to rejection, to devastation and we must ask ourselves why? It is not in our nature to be single, we group together out of necessity and throughout the ages we've developed very intricate mating rituals in order to determine the best mate. We all look for different things, but I think the one thing so many of us overlook, is that sometimes things just work. You don't know why, it may even drive you crazy not to know why but sometimes, and this is one of those times, things just are. Being in love is a constant state of vulnerability, it requires you to trust another human being with your heart, to know that they won't reject the offering you give them and as terrified as you are, you must realize how equally terrifying it is for them. So many of us don't realize how much influence we hold over our loved ones.

But this is not the ending, this is the start, the very beginning of a journey we started long ago. Mr. Big is not perfect, he knows he's not perfect and neither am I (though pretty damn close ;0) Adventures will ensue, the future is uncertain, but it's all going to be okay  because I know he'll remind me to not panic and I know he'll always have an extra towel. (see the nerdy dictionary on that one, lol)