Sunday, April 25, 2010

He's just not that into me, the beauty of love, and my "Mr. Big"

I'm an independent woman, I'm a mama who rocks all her own dolla's but I firmly believe when a dude calls you up to hang out with him, it should be to actually go do something, other than make out and feel you up. I've been getting these phone calls around 8-9 on weekends asking me to meet up with someone, not to "go out" but to inevitably end up in the back seat of a car steaming up the windows. Now... take this with a grain of salt, I have no problem with this arrangement if it's understood that this is a "short term needs" kinda situation. Whereas this man is an amazing kisser, not so amazing in the emotional department a hazard area for Scorpio men I think. Don't tell me I'm the only one you're talking to or even making out with when I know damn well that isn't the truth, and you know damn well you're not the only one. My point is, if you're diggin' my mad skills at manipulating your hormones and you're just in it for the thrills and chills, cool, just let me know because when you say you care, you say you'll be there and then you're not, it just makes you look like an ass and hurts my feelings. You might as well come out and say "I don't really dig you as a person, but I like feeling you up when I have nothing better to do." Word? 

Now that that's said let's move on to the wonderful world of love, the gushy, make you feel warm and fuzzy kinda love. A few years ago I fell into the pit of dating someone who was already with someone else, not the smartest idea right? Truth is, it wasn't I got hurt so bad no amount of Sandra Bullock movies or ice cream could console me. I fell head over heels for this guy, he was everything I ever wanted, smart, funny, good looking, strong and not afraid to take charge and tell me "no" every once in a while (though it is hard to say no to me). He was someone who respected me, cared about what I thought and I was absolutely and madly in love. Because he's someone who has a strong sense of fidelity, eventually we had to end things, neither one of us was very happy about it. 

Our families hate each other now, because they saw how devastating the split was to both of us, it's not their fault they were just circling their wagons. The bold faced truth is that he chose her over me, they had a lot of history together and I knew the best thing for me to do was remove myself from the picture entirely, so I disappeared into a much darker world (that's a whole 'nother story) and I didn't see or speak to him for almost two years. Recently we've reconnected, he's no longer with her, we've seen each other a few times and it's just as amazing as it was before, amazingly none of the passion, the humor or the fun has left. It's a complicated situation, it's become too much for either one of us, we're both tied to our families and this whole Capulet and Montague situation is maddening. But I still feel like I want that great romance, one that is free of complications, untainted by circumstance and just right from the very beginning, is this too idealistic, just a school girl fantasy or do people ever really fall in love that way? Is it ever perfect from start to finish? 
-Chubby Girl

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