Wednesday, April 28, 2010

THE Question-How soon is too soon?

I recently went out with a guy who was an amazing kisser, when I mentioned this fact to my mother she said "you kissed him on the first date? Gross." Those were her exact words. Imagine how slutty I felt, but being the smart ass I am I said "Mom this is the twenty first century, most people skip the kissing nowadays." She snorted and looked down her nose at me which immediately made me feel like a teenager again who had done something I wasn't supposed to, but after thinking about it, screw that! 

In the words of the immortal and genius Donnas "I get what I want and I like what I see, take it off baby for me." Can we really sum up our generation any better? Let's be honest we've all at least wanted to go home with someone based on their looks alone and until recently I had never acted on this impulse, I thought that suffering through three mediocre dates justified my carnal lust on the fourth. But I believe this to have been a complete waste of time, energy and sanity. 

So here's my take on it, if you're attracted to someone, the feeling is mutual and you don't want to wait, don't, Since when does "polite society" know what the hell their talking about when it comes to sex? I truly believe that if you really like someone and they're digging you, then making love on the first date can't really hurt, and then you can find out if it's worth pursuing, I mean we've all been in the situation where we liked someone as a person but the chemistry just wasn't there. Let's stop letting outmoded and arcane thinking dominate our lives. Sleeping with someone on a first date doesn't make you a slut, sleeping with someone on a first date without a condom does!
Chubby Girl out!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

He's just not that into me, the beauty of love, and my "Mr. Big"

I'm an independent woman, I'm a mama who rocks all her own dolla's but I firmly believe when a dude calls you up to hang out with him, it should be to actually go do something, other than make out and feel you up. I've been getting these phone calls around 8-9 on weekends asking me to meet up with someone, not to "go out" but to inevitably end up in the back seat of a car steaming up the windows. Now... take this with a grain of salt, I have no problem with this arrangement if it's understood that this is a "short term needs" kinda situation. Whereas this man is an amazing kisser, not so amazing in the emotional department a hazard area for Scorpio men I think. Don't tell me I'm the only one you're talking to or even making out with when I know damn well that isn't the truth, and you know damn well you're not the only one. My point is, if you're diggin' my mad skills at manipulating your hormones and you're just in it for the thrills and chills, cool, just let me know because when you say you care, you say you'll be there and then you're not, it just makes you look like an ass and hurts my feelings. You might as well come out and say "I don't really dig you as a person, but I like feeling you up when I have nothing better to do." Word? 

Now that that's said let's move on to the wonderful world of love, the gushy, make you feel warm and fuzzy kinda love. A few years ago I fell into the pit of dating someone who was already with someone else, not the smartest idea right? Truth is, it wasn't I got hurt so bad no amount of Sandra Bullock movies or ice cream could console me. I fell head over heels for this guy, he was everything I ever wanted, smart, funny, good looking, strong and not afraid to take charge and tell me "no" every once in a while (though it is hard to say no to me). He was someone who respected me, cared about what I thought and I was absolutely and madly in love. Because he's someone who has a strong sense of fidelity, eventually we had to end things, neither one of us was very happy about it. 

Our families hate each other now, because they saw how devastating the split was to both of us, it's not their fault they were just circling their wagons. The bold faced truth is that he chose her over me, they had a lot of history together and I knew the best thing for me to do was remove myself from the picture entirely, so I disappeared into a much darker world (that's a whole 'nother story) and I didn't see or speak to him for almost two years. Recently we've reconnected, he's no longer with her, we've seen each other a few times and it's just as amazing as it was before, amazingly none of the passion, the humor or the fun has left. It's a complicated situation, it's become too much for either one of us, we're both tied to our families and this whole Capulet and Montague situation is maddening. But I still feel like I want that great romance, one that is free of complications, untainted by circumstance and just right from the very beginning, is this too idealistic, just a school girl fantasy or do people ever really fall in love that way? Is it ever perfect from start to finish? 
-Chubby Girl

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Queen Bee and the Bird man (Golly gee wilikers Bird man!)

Have you ever had friends so awesome they come to your rescue and invite you out for frosties too? I do and here's why my Queen Bee and Bird man are the most amazing people you could ever find. Queenie is someone who takes charges of any situation, you know that when she walks in you better listen up, but this isn't based on hubris or arrogance, she just knows what she's doing and isn't afraid to be who she is (Freaking Awesome!) she's someone who is a fierce friend and even though we lost touch for a long time (my fault) when we found each other again it's like we'd never missed a day, she's always been there through thick and thin and she's someone who has taught me the true meaning of friendship, being someone who will come through when it matters most, she's tried her damndest to make me a neater, more fashionable person as well unfortunately those lessons are being much more slowly absorbed but I have a feeling she's not giving up any time soon.

The Bird man I have know not quite as long, but he just keeps revealing himself to be a cooler and cooler person. He just has what I like to call the likability factor, there's just too many good traits to list, but I'll try, funny, intuitive, sassy, caring and my personal favorite witty and sarcastic. What's more, he's young, talented and has the world at his feet and has no idea! When I was younger (I'm not that old) I worried about what the future would hold, that I would not reach my goals on the dates I had set for their completion, but low and behold those days have come and gone and some things did not get done, but the world kept turning and disaster was not emanate, in fact I think I have learned more from my failures, flops and fu** ups than I ever could have from my success stories.

Someone once said "The art of writing lies in the application of the ass to the seat." It's hilarious how people in this field continuously yearn to write, it's literally bursting to get out of them, but we stop ourselves in the fear that what we create will not be enough, it will be lacking. We dream so big, that we fear we'll never get there. There is one thing I have learned about writing, when you write for yourself, when you make it an extension of your most precious thoughts, your deepest desires and your darkest fears people stand with you and you suddenly realize how connected we all are, you realize that the big dream you longed for has slowly taken shape around you, quietly, unobtrusively steady and one day you look up and you've done it, Golly Gee Wilikers Bird man, you'll do it, I know you will.
-The (luckiest) Chubby Girl In The World

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Women Empowering Themselves thru fashion, fun and frivolity.

Did you ever secretly wonder why that girl who is a little more homely, chubby, shorter (etc.) was able to get a date and you're dance card hasn't been punched in many moons? Admit it we all go through the "I'm so much prettier than her." conversations with ourselves, we start the horrible spiral into unattractive bitchiness by comparing ourselves to people with mates, which only creates a vortex of self-loathing which leads to a bucket full of lonely because let's face it, a bitchy narcissistic sounding woman does not dating material make. It's time to stop the madness! The girl who is supposedly not up to par in your eyes at that moment of weakness just happened to find someone compatible and the trick she used? She was just living her life, so don't hate on her. So the question becomes how to break this cycle. The answer believe it or not I have found is simple!

Go out and have fun, the kind of fun you used to have when you were part of a couple and needed your alone time with the girls or guys (my friends are mostly male).Go to a game, go shopping, go do something you would never normally do, like sky diving, paint ball or anything that makes you interact with the outside world. Try on something you normally never would, the sexier the better. If you're jonesing for human contact go volunteer and do a double whammy for yourself and your community, besides you never know when a fellow good Samaritan might just turn out to be Mr. Right, you already know he cares about others, brownie points! 

The point is my lovlies that too many of us sit on the couch and wonder why our love lives have lost that loving feeling. You and only you are responsible for your happiness, to put all that pressure on a single relationship is not only foolhardy, it's dangerous, sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to and that's okay. Read that last sentence again and repeat after me. "I am a whole human being, with goals,glowing accomplishments and can have fun without being part of an "us". Wanting to be part of a group is a perfectly normal human urge, it's how we survived through the eons. But since we no longer need to hunt in packs or gather the wheat from the field, you can afford to learn a new language, write a novel or do any of the things you normally wouldn't have time to do in a relationship. 


So go grab your best friend, head over to the karoke bar and sing your heart out, look fabulous while doing it, and trust me someone will notice your awesome fashion sense, bravery and fun loving ways, get back to being who you are and the right things,and the right people will fall into your life effortlessly.
-The Chubby Girl In the World

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Winning Bet- The demise of Hedge Fund

So remember Hedge Fund? (see post labeled "Crisis General")the guy who I couldn't make up my mind about whether or not he was hurt and sensitive or just pure jerkwad, well Johnny tell her what she's won! (fake announcer voice) a friend and I were discussing the whole situation and he said a good way to tell a lot about a guy is to ask him what his favorite position is. "His answer will reveal what he thinks about you, not necesarrily the truth, but it will tell you how he feels about you, if he gives a sweet sensitive answer he's bull shitting you, if he gives you a halfway dirty, halfway sweet answer he's flirting and if he just doesn't answer or laughs it off he's into you and doesn't want to scare you away." So this is advice from a male friend I take no responsibility for its authenticity or relevancy lol. So I asked Hedge Fund what his favorite position and this was his reply via text, verbatim, I have changed nothing.
"I like for the woman to be on top, if she knows what she's doing."
Okay none of that seems too bad until you actually stop to think about it. So not only does this guy expect a female to do all the work, now I have to worry about my score? Can I please see the grading rubric before hand please? Exactly what will be on this quiz Mr. Hedge Fund, is multiple choice or essay? (Chuckling uncontrollably)


I mean really? I got the distinct feeling that this guy was really the love 'em and leave 'em type, which is fine if you're honest about it, just tell it like it is dude. I mean I probably would've had more understanding for someone who just came out and said "I'm not looking for anything serious and I'm just kinda looking for someone to "hang out" with." I can respect that kind of honesty. But if that was supposed to be game, you need to change your play book honey, because in the words of Beyonce "you must not know about me."
-Chubby Girl In The World

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Big "C" question

Don't worry lovlies I don't have cancer. What I mean by the Big "C" is the question of children. How do you decide whether or not to get involved with someone who has them? I've been of a very strong firm stance for many years, the answer is no. 

The reason being is that I'm in my mid-twenties and I believed it to be a sign of irresponsibility and gross negligence;I have to say most of the guys my age who have children aren't exactly nominees for Father of the year. This being said I've learned some new found lessons while I'm forced into public transportation(waiting to buy a new car, long story) I see this guy on the bus every morning on my way to work. I tote my designer bag and overpriced shoes and jumbo sized gourmet coffee with me everywhere, these are completely selfish and pretty much useless vices when you come to think of it. This guy proudly carries around his daughters Dora the Explorer stroller, lunch box and backpack. He takes her to school everyday, laughs with her, tells her to be good and wipes her runny nose. This is what a Dad should be.

So why do I still feel a polite repulsion to dating guys with kids? Am I really just a closet Cruella Deville? I had this private fight with myself while watching them morning, part of me wanted to be a part of that world, another part of me wanted to run screaming in the other direction towards the nearest bar where children are definitely not allowed. I think the issue isn't that I don't like children, but that because of my own not so perfect Dad experience, I want that idyllic family, the one who has no issues, works out their problems with a game of Scrabble or NHL 2010 whichever one the occasion calls for. So perhaps it's the fact that I want to find someone to start a family with instead of having to try and fit into someone else's pre-started one? I'm not sure if this is a fear of rejection, or just plain selfishness, maybe it's a little bit of both, but I can't help wondering will I miss out on Mr. Right because he rocks a #1 Dad shirt?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Amazingly Good Coffee break

So I'm a big fan of being proactive, going out and getting what you want and taking no prisoners. I've recently applied this attitude to my dating life, with online dating there is no reason not to have a date (ok so you take your chances on quality and possible kidnapping but hey, that's the risk you take) on Saturday night. Besides it's been a very quick and easy way to weed people out, it has not been an uncommon thing for me to have seen someone's profile on a site and then bump into them at a  club or in public somewhere, sometimes it comes in handy because I already know we're not compatible from their either their lack of wordsmithing abilities or their complete disregard for punctuation.

However, today fate as it were (pick your deity here) intervened. I was walking out of the B&N where I grabbed my turbo lunch and I accidently bumped into a tall, dark, handsome stranger. Unfortunately some of my raspberry white mocha did end up on his pants but here's the kicker, he apologized to me! As I was frantically searching my purse for the Tide pen I always carry I was stammering out an apology. "I'm so sorry are you okay? Usually I wait until someone offends me to throw something on them." I was trying to desperately be funny. I looked up and he had the most amazingly blue eyes (a weakness of mine), he smiled what can only be described as mega watt grin and said "No scorched earth, I think I'll live. So will I have to jump in front of your coffee again to talk to you, or maybe I could just call you?" I couldn't help it, I busted up laughing as I handed him a card with my number on it, business cards are so useful like that. So Hot Pants McGee gave me his card and the deed was done.

So you see my lovlies yes, you should be proactive in your search, you should have the highest standards, reach for the stars in your love life, in your career in life in general. If you have that attitude and "act in accord" like the metaphysical people say what and who you are supposed to be doing will just naturally come to you.
 -The Chubby Girl in the World

Monday, April 12, 2010

Shattering the "Big Girl" myth

Now I know that most men are decent, law abiding, courteous human beings, unfortunately there are a few good douche bags out there making you all look bad. These are the kind of men who go to clubs, bars, dating sites specifically looking for chubby girls not because they love and adore and cherish the culture to which I belong, but because they truly believe in their heart of hearts that chubby girls will do anything and everything because they are attention deprived.

Now this is not completely their fault, it is simply a misunderstanding and miseducation. A chubby girl is no more likely to sleep with you than the skinny girl down at the bar, as a matter of fact come to think of it the chubby girl is less likely to. You see as a Chubby girl the world around me has assaulted my self esteem from adolescence to the present day so I had to develop coping mechanisms, develop a personality and other good traits with which to feel good about, I became for all intents and purposes a well adjusted person who likes herself. The poor skinny girl at the bar has been told her whole life she must be pretty, timid, submissive and depend on the attentions of men to feel good about herself, she is really the one at a disadvantage unbeknowst to the douche bag who is trying to screw them both over, literally.

This waste of oxygen actually believes that the chubby girl should feel "lucky" to be noticed by him. Oh wait you're an std infested, narcissist who wants to use me? Oh yes, sign me up for that, jeez.  The point is my lovlies that you do not have to be a victim of the d-bag brigade and you don't have to be a victim of self loathing. Most of the chubby girls I know are well adjusted, productive members of society. I know there are some of you out there struggling with who you are, who you wish you were and ultimately who you will become, here's the deal. You're the one in charge and ultimately you will decide what rules you choose to follow. There is nothing wrong with going out and having a good time, there's nothing wrong with wanting more than just causal randomness, and there's nothing wrong with mixing it up a bit either. Please just remember that you are defined by your actions, your accomplishments and yourself not by the outmoded and insane ideas of the least of society, so here's to demolishing the myth and taking back your power.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Crisis General-When the problem may be him

April 11, 2010
File Name: Hedge Fund 
Operation:Crisis Negotiation

Do you ever get the feeling from some people that they create drama and crisis where there is none in order to gain sympathy or cover up their blatant faults as human beings? I've been texting back and forth with the one person who seems to always be in a constant state of turmoil. Now it is unclear to me whether this is because he is understandably having a difficult time as so many of us do from time to time or if it because it is an all too convenient cover for the fact that he is hedging his bets.

I would like to be understanding, accepting and trusting of these crisis situations which this person may be going through. I would also like a straight up honest answer to the questions I have, without being made to feel guilty or like the bad guy when I expect a phone call instead of a text, which is the universal way to say yes I would talk to you, if only I cared enough.

So the question becomes, do I wait around to see if the drama is a one time tv special or is it going to be syndicated on a weekly basis? What would you do in this situation? Do you play the understanding girl who will be there for you, or do you cut your losses and move on?
-CG

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Dirty Little Secret

Immersed in the world of online dating, like so many other young people who work full time and have other hobbies and pursuits I don't have time to wait around a coffee shop for a handsome officer and a gentleman. I need to know the facts, Dano just the facts and we can take it from there. There are plenty of good and legitmate sites out there for the working gal like myself. I'm a member of Plentyoffish and Okcupid, both free and decently laid out.

Online dating has become so popular because in theory, you get to know a little about someone through their profile, you can see if you have the same hobbies, taste in music, or even a mutual complete disregard for spelling. I did something last night I've never done and swore to myself I would never do.

I had a casual fling with someone I had just met, we'll call him Half Baked, as it seems to be his perpetual state. Though we were responsible I can't help feeling a little guilty. I really had no intention of doing so with this person but something just clicked and my responses seemed on auto pilot. He was gentle with his touch and very enthusiastic which always makes for a fun time, I was completely out of my element and was probably more up tight than necessary, but this was completely new territory for me. I have a very strong suspicion he's a practiced veteran, every move seemed with motive and carefully planned, but none of it was disrespectful so we'll let it slide. There's a difference between being played for a sucker and letting mutually beneficial things happen.

I thought I would feel worse, I had always believed that love and sex should go hand in hand and that to do otherwise was a recipe for catastrophe. I thought that I would somehow feel used after this but the truth is though I feel a bit embarassed at the ease in which this happened I can't say that I'm damaged in any way. I think there comes a point in every womans life where she just needs to know she's desirable, it doesn't always have to be a long drawn out love affair. 

Though I love the feeling of being in love, of having someone to cuddle up next to and know that person feels something deep and lasting for me I realized last night that you can still have a fun time with someone without being in love with them, don't get me wrong if he was on fire I would throw him an Evian but for the first time in my life I have only a first name to remember and it was clean break with both parties leaving satisfied. I don't intend to make this a habit but it's like ice cream, every once in a while I girl needs a sundae without dinner first. Here's to Half Baked special brownie sundaes.

-The Chubby Girl In the World (listening to Yhe Donna's)