Saturday, December 11, 2010

Who I wish you were- a poem for Ruben

I wish you were the one who taught me how to drive
the one who wiped my eyes dry when I cried, the one who made sure Christmas was special, the one who could make everything okay with a phone call, but you're the one who made me shed a million tears, the one who left me empty and with countless fears, there is something missing in me because you weren't wise enough to see the gift that was me.

Now I'm a woman grown and you don't get back what you've thrown to the winds.
I'm strong, wise, loving and courageous in spite of you, you didn't break me, your absence has not left me deflated and sad, because someone loved me even though you didn't know what you had. I forgive you because I cannot find it in me to hate, but friends have to trust, to believe and with you this just cannot be, I won't allow you to steal my joy, to rock the foundation I've built, it's a shame that you didn't treasure your family. I wish you the best, may God keep you and protect you from harm and may you find comfort far and wide all the days of your life.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

4 am and everything is perfect

t is sleeping after an awesome night together, it's my birthday weekend or the weekend before my 26th birthday, christmas is right around the corner and life is so perfect. A year ago I was recovering from one of the worsts times in my life. But all those long ago tragedies seem like they happened to someone else and right now, in the twilight hours, before the sun comes up and the gentle sound of t's snoring everything is perfect. This is my favorite time of day, where nothing is expected of us, nothing is pressing upon our time and we are free to either ponder the mysteries of the universe or if you're anything like me, listen to some Flogging Molly and enjoy the blogosphere.
the Archer, signing off from the wee hours of perfection

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Being the big bad Brownie

I have such a hard time relating to the staunch anti-immigration section of politics, I can understand the need to secure borders against mounting terrorist threats but what I cannot fathom from a capitalist country and people who claim they are for a "free market", is the demonization of people who wash our cars, pick our produce, clean houses and do any and every other menial job they can so their children can have a better education, a better life, the American dream not for them but for the next generation. This kind of hatred is nothing new to our country, the Irish, Chinese, Italian and Russian communities have all experienced their time in the spot light as the "other", that which is "bad", you know those other people who are taking the jobs we are supposedly entitled to because we happened to be born into a country of infinite opportunity and possibility?

Really when was the last time you applied to be a lettuce picker? Do people really believe that we buy grapes for $1 a pound because the "illegals" get a free ride? Have you ever been out in a field? It's dirty, hot, exhausting and absolutely back breaking work. I know not because I have ever done it, but because I grew up with the stories of my family, my grandparents although legal citizens of this country were not educated and did not speak very much English. But my grandfather enlisted in the Army and eventually moved the family from Texas to California. All of their 11 children have a one time or another toiled in a field. They didn't do this in order to deprive someone else of a job, they didn't take a lower wage than their white counterparts because they wanted to undermine people, they did it out of mere survival.

The problem is not those who cross the border and seek a better life, the people who endure horrible conditions, eat from garbage cans, spend days or weeks captives of coyotes who rape, torture and sell them into prostitution until their family can pay enough of a ransom for them. The problem is with such a restrictive system which exists only to pander to the few ignorant people who fear anyone different from themselves and exploits a people who are literally powerless in their own country and powerless in this one. No legal protection from abuse in this country because their mere presence renders them second class citizens who have no legal recourse against those who would take advantage of them.

Is it truly American to allow such a system to exist? Of course not but of course big business and its friends in the political universe don't want to do away with illegal immigration, because how else would we keep prices down, and labor cheap? Big business biggest fear is that the Brownie (me and people who look like me) will join forces and we will fight to finally give rights to people who have been contributing to the economy for decades to finally get the representation they deserve. My biggest surprise is the animosity from American born latinos towards undocumented workers,it's a phenomena I don't really understand; and I cannot say that I haven't been guilty of it myself at times.

We are willing to overlook the atrocities committed in the name of "free market" values as long as we can still buy an hecho in mexico shirt for $5. Let's get real about immigration, it's all about the money, so Big Business, stop talking out of both sides of your mouth, and admit it's all about the bottom line, your bottom line and not the country's.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Socialist and the Party of Mad Hatters

I am the proud daughter of a single mother who worked two jobs to support her children, my mother never once accepted or sought out state or federal aid during her working career. She believed in the capitalist economic model, working for years to pay the rent, put food on the table and make miracles at Christmas. I was taught from a young age that if you don't work you don't eat, to never depend on anyone but yourself and to be independent in all my business dealings. 

Imagine my surprise when someone recently deemed me "comrade" Stefanie, as in you know those scary people who want to make us all stand in bread lines and drink vodlka for breakfast? Although a light hearted jab from a friend I was flummoxed by the accusation. What could prompt such a crazy jump? Because I as a forward leaning American believe that we need to hold not only normal citizens fiscally accountable, we need to hold corporations, massive organizations and the financial sector responsible for their decisions as well. 

Conventional wisdom holds that the "invisible hand" of the economy will right itself and government should mind its own business. The problem with that is that most large corporation receive some kind of federal or state or both funds to run their business, corporate welfare.(which we as tax payers bear the burden of) If these large businesses and organizations expect to be subsidized by tax payer dollars, which Wal Mart and Mc Donalds are, (both which outsource labor to other countries) then they need to be held accountable for shipping jobs overseas, if we give corporations large tax breaks to do business in our country, then shouldn't they reasonably be expected to keep jobs here? After all it is OUR money they're pocketing. 

Would you pay a little more for that shirt at your local Wal Mart if you knew it was being made at a plant in Minnesota, instead of by some poor soul in China who is beaten if they don't meet their quota? Wouldn't you pay a little more taxes on liquor or cigarettes if you knew that we could feed most of children, would people smoking marijuana really bother you that much if you knew the proceeds from the tax revenues were funding low-income after school programs to keep kids out of gangs? 

I'm not sure where the idea that caring for our fellow Americans, for our fellow man will somehow end up creating a welfare state. Is the current system perfect, absolutely not. But it has helped a tremendous amount of people in one of our country's most devastating financial time. We need to work on solving the actual issues at hand, at fixing broken systems, at valuing education, we need to be the change that we're all screaming for, yes we need personal accountability, that doesn't necessarily mean turning a blind eye to poverty, social injustice or inequality in civil rights. 

We our liberals, we our radicals only in the sense that we will radically change the tide of this country to one of common sense, one of restoration not derision, we are a united front and we will not be divided by bigots who seek to pander to the few ignorant people who would believe their bile, nor will we be fooled by so called "grass roots" candidates who are nothing more that career contenders and have no inclination or desire to govern, governing requires choice, informed decision making which the likes of Christine O'Donnell and Joe Miller have never been interested in. 

It is our job this November to remind politicians that running for office is not a job in and of itself, you actually have to do something to warrant that right and I for one refuse to go to the Mad Hatters Tea party.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Long distance relationships, our first reader question and how I still believe in Americans

So Mr. Big and I don't exactly live next door to each other, he commutes 2 hours back and forth just to see me for a day or two once a week. With all the technology at our fingertips, both of us agree there is no substitute for real, face time. I never thought anyone could care about me enough, love me enough or think I was special enough to make such a trip once, let alone over and over again just to be with lil ole me. You would think the distance would diminish the flames of desire after a time but no such thing has happened thus far, in fact it merely becomes an inferno when we do get to see each other. LDRs (long distance relationships) are not the ideal for anyone and work for very few, but with us it just seems to click. We seamlessly transition from cuddling to debating national foreign policy.Yes our civil liberties and the accurate accounting of our history is currently in danger from crazy factions who are merely puppets in a much grander scheme that has everything to do with money. This is reason for alarm but I'm responding with the hope and trust that our American ideals, our rebellious nature as a country is deep seeded in our psyche. We are not a people to be pushed around, we can no longer afford to ignore what comes natural to us, the seeking of truth, justice for even our most unfortunate citizens (and people who wish to become citizens), and standing against the oppression of freedom anywhere in our country. This is not the conservatives, the liberals, the Dems or the Rep. parties' America. This is our country and it is high time we started acting like it again, we make the decisions, we decide what we will and will not stand for, I still believe in our ability as a people to rule by common sense, by facts and to apply our passions stategically and with wisdom. (Gets off Soap Box)

Reader Question!

CG-
My boyfriend is pressuring me to have sex with him before he leaves for college, I'm 16 and want to wait for marriage, he says if I really love him I'll do it for him before he leaves. I don't know what to do.
-Confusedgrrl


Confusedgrrl-
So many young women have this same question, should they, shouldn't they? When's the right time? How will I feel about it afterward? All these questions are normal and valid. The truth is only you can know if you're ready to take a relationship to that next level, what I will say is that now being older I know at 16 that was not ready for such a big step, it was emotionally confusing, and I didn't pick the brightest crayon in the box that's for sure. I really think you need to examine why you would do this, if someone is trying to convince you to do something, it means you really didn't want to in the first place, and someone who really loved you would wait until you were ready and wouldn't pressure you into something so important. Sex is a wonderful, fun and special part of a relationship and your young adult life, don't start the story as a tragedy, write yourself a romance novel, and even if it ends up a comedy of errors, at least you'll have a smile on your face and not tears in your eyes when it's over.
-Chubby Girl

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

According to me you don't matter any more

This is not for you, the one who hurt me, betrayed me, beat down my soul, no this is for me, this is for the anger, the pain, the sorrow you've caused, it is the requiem of all of those things for after this, I will leave them and never think of them or you again. I've spent so much time in darkness, so much time wasted believing you, all the horrible things you told me, all the time wishing I could make you better, hoping some how we would get through it. I did nothing to deserve the torture you meted out, and loved you, trusted you even though you gave me no cause or reason to do either.

After the bruises healed, and the doctors told me my injuries were "relatively minor" I took me and my broken ribs home, I looked around at the wreckage that had become my life with you. I decided that it had been enough, that I had given enough to you. I left everything, wanted nothing from you and like always that is exactly what I received, you never once even tried to find out if I was okay, though I knew you wouldn't it still came as a shock. I had truly believed that you loved me and just didn't know how to show it, I had believed the lies you'd told me, the truth was like an icy cold shower, sudden, and heart stopping.

I cried for weeks, sometimes for no apparent reason at all. At first I thought it was because I missed what I thought I'd had. Slowly I began to realize that I was crying for the me who had lost her way, I had become someone unrecognizable to myself. I wasn't the happy, determined girl who left home, I looked beaten down, defeated and just plain sad. A couple of times, the pain was just too much and it was so easy to take one more drink, take one more pill and to know it would all disappear. Luckily I have people in my life who care too much about me to let me end up like you. Your story is truly a sad one and though you've endured many unfortunate circumstances yourself, you have yet to learn how to overcome them.

But this is not for you, this is for me and for anyone else who the story sounds all too familiar. It is something we don't talk about in "polite" society. This for anyone who has ever been hurt, mistreated, abused or other wise emotionally malnourished by someone. Today is the day, you say good bye to all those bad thoughts, to all the insults, to all the negative talk, today is the day we let go and drop it by the way side, it was never ours to carry and it is time we gave it back. I've started an entirely new life, with new love and old friends and I don't miss you at all. In fact, you are nothing but a foot note in my story.
Here's to new beginnings,
CGITW

Saturday, May 1, 2010

The Return of Mr. Big

Love is a terrifying ordeal, and someone very wise once told me we do things for two reasons, fear and love. Love defies all laws of the universe, it is faster than light, it outlives both its source and its destination and leaves a lasting impression for future observers, something no other force in our known universe can do. We open our selves up to rejection, to devastation and we must ask ourselves why? It is not in our nature to be single, we group together out of necessity and throughout the ages we've developed very intricate mating rituals in order to determine the best mate. We all look for different things, but I think the one thing so many of us overlook, is that sometimes things just work. You don't know why, it may even drive you crazy not to know why but sometimes, and this is one of those times, things just are. Being in love is a constant state of vulnerability, it requires you to trust another human being with your heart, to know that they won't reject the offering you give them and as terrified as you are, you must realize how equally terrifying it is for them. So many of us don't realize how much influence we hold over our loved ones.

But this is not the ending, this is the start, the very beginning of a journey we started long ago. Mr. Big is not perfect, he knows he's not perfect and neither am I (though pretty damn close ;0) Adventures will ensue, the future is uncertain, but it's all going to be okay  because I know he'll remind me to not panic and I know he'll always have an extra towel. (see the nerdy dictionary on that one, lol)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

THE Question-How soon is too soon?

I recently went out with a guy who was an amazing kisser, when I mentioned this fact to my mother she said "you kissed him on the first date? Gross." Those were her exact words. Imagine how slutty I felt, but being the smart ass I am I said "Mom this is the twenty first century, most people skip the kissing nowadays." She snorted and looked down her nose at me which immediately made me feel like a teenager again who had done something I wasn't supposed to, but after thinking about it, screw that! 

In the words of the immortal and genius Donnas "I get what I want and I like what I see, take it off baby for me." Can we really sum up our generation any better? Let's be honest we've all at least wanted to go home with someone based on their looks alone and until recently I had never acted on this impulse, I thought that suffering through three mediocre dates justified my carnal lust on the fourth. But I believe this to have been a complete waste of time, energy and sanity. 

So here's my take on it, if you're attracted to someone, the feeling is mutual and you don't want to wait, don't, Since when does "polite society" know what the hell their talking about when it comes to sex? I truly believe that if you really like someone and they're digging you, then making love on the first date can't really hurt, and then you can find out if it's worth pursuing, I mean we've all been in the situation where we liked someone as a person but the chemistry just wasn't there. Let's stop letting outmoded and arcane thinking dominate our lives. Sleeping with someone on a first date doesn't make you a slut, sleeping with someone on a first date without a condom does!
Chubby Girl out!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

He's just not that into me, the beauty of love, and my "Mr. Big"

I'm an independent woman, I'm a mama who rocks all her own dolla's but I firmly believe when a dude calls you up to hang out with him, it should be to actually go do something, other than make out and feel you up. I've been getting these phone calls around 8-9 on weekends asking me to meet up with someone, not to "go out" but to inevitably end up in the back seat of a car steaming up the windows. Now... take this with a grain of salt, I have no problem with this arrangement if it's understood that this is a "short term needs" kinda situation. Whereas this man is an amazing kisser, not so amazing in the emotional department a hazard area for Scorpio men I think. Don't tell me I'm the only one you're talking to or even making out with when I know damn well that isn't the truth, and you know damn well you're not the only one. My point is, if you're diggin' my mad skills at manipulating your hormones and you're just in it for the thrills and chills, cool, just let me know because when you say you care, you say you'll be there and then you're not, it just makes you look like an ass and hurts my feelings. You might as well come out and say "I don't really dig you as a person, but I like feeling you up when I have nothing better to do." Word? 

Now that that's said let's move on to the wonderful world of love, the gushy, make you feel warm and fuzzy kinda love. A few years ago I fell into the pit of dating someone who was already with someone else, not the smartest idea right? Truth is, it wasn't I got hurt so bad no amount of Sandra Bullock movies or ice cream could console me. I fell head over heels for this guy, he was everything I ever wanted, smart, funny, good looking, strong and not afraid to take charge and tell me "no" every once in a while (though it is hard to say no to me). He was someone who respected me, cared about what I thought and I was absolutely and madly in love. Because he's someone who has a strong sense of fidelity, eventually we had to end things, neither one of us was very happy about it. 

Our families hate each other now, because they saw how devastating the split was to both of us, it's not their fault they were just circling their wagons. The bold faced truth is that he chose her over me, they had a lot of history together and I knew the best thing for me to do was remove myself from the picture entirely, so I disappeared into a much darker world (that's a whole 'nother story) and I didn't see or speak to him for almost two years. Recently we've reconnected, he's no longer with her, we've seen each other a few times and it's just as amazing as it was before, amazingly none of the passion, the humor or the fun has left. It's a complicated situation, it's become too much for either one of us, we're both tied to our families and this whole Capulet and Montague situation is maddening. But I still feel like I want that great romance, one that is free of complications, untainted by circumstance and just right from the very beginning, is this too idealistic, just a school girl fantasy or do people ever really fall in love that way? Is it ever perfect from start to finish? 
-Chubby Girl

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Queen Bee and the Bird man (Golly gee wilikers Bird man!)

Have you ever had friends so awesome they come to your rescue and invite you out for frosties too? I do and here's why my Queen Bee and Bird man are the most amazing people you could ever find. Queenie is someone who takes charges of any situation, you know that when she walks in you better listen up, but this isn't based on hubris or arrogance, she just knows what she's doing and isn't afraid to be who she is (Freaking Awesome!) she's someone who is a fierce friend and even though we lost touch for a long time (my fault) when we found each other again it's like we'd never missed a day, she's always been there through thick and thin and she's someone who has taught me the true meaning of friendship, being someone who will come through when it matters most, she's tried her damndest to make me a neater, more fashionable person as well unfortunately those lessons are being much more slowly absorbed but I have a feeling she's not giving up any time soon.

The Bird man I have know not quite as long, but he just keeps revealing himself to be a cooler and cooler person. He just has what I like to call the likability factor, there's just too many good traits to list, but I'll try, funny, intuitive, sassy, caring and my personal favorite witty and sarcastic. What's more, he's young, talented and has the world at his feet and has no idea! When I was younger (I'm not that old) I worried about what the future would hold, that I would not reach my goals on the dates I had set for their completion, but low and behold those days have come and gone and some things did not get done, but the world kept turning and disaster was not emanate, in fact I think I have learned more from my failures, flops and fu** ups than I ever could have from my success stories.

Someone once said "The art of writing lies in the application of the ass to the seat." It's hilarious how people in this field continuously yearn to write, it's literally bursting to get out of them, but we stop ourselves in the fear that what we create will not be enough, it will be lacking. We dream so big, that we fear we'll never get there. There is one thing I have learned about writing, when you write for yourself, when you make it an extension of your most precious thoughts, your deepest desires and your darkest fears people stand with you and you suddenly realize how connected we all are, you realize that the big dream you longed for has slowly taken shape around you, quietly, unobtrusively steady and one day you look up and you've done it, Golly Gee Wilikers Bird man, you'll do it, I know you will.
-The (luckiest) Chubby Girl In The World

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Women Empowering Themselves thru fashion, fun and frivolity.

Did you ever secretly wonder why that girl who is a little more homely, chubby, shorter (etc.) was able to get a date and you're dance card hasn't been punched in many moons? Admit it we all go through the "I'm so much prettier than her." conversations with ourselves, we start the horrible spiral into unattractive bitchiness by comparing ourselves to people with mates, which only creates a vortex of self-loathing which leads to a bucket full of lonely because let's face it, a bitchy narcissistic sounding woman does not dating material make. It's time to stop the madness! The girl who is supposedly not up to par in your eyes at that moment of weakness just happened to find someone compatible and the trick she used? She was just living her life, so don't hate on her. So the question becomes how to break this cycle. The answer believe it or not I have found is simple!

Go out and have fun, the kind of fun you used to have when you were part of a couple and needed your alone time with the girls or guys (my friends are mostly male).Go to a game, go shopping, go do something you would never normally do, like sky diving, paint ball or anything that makes you interact with the outside world. Try on something you normally never would, the sexier the better. If you're jonesing for human contact go volunteer and do a double whammy for yourself and your community, besides you never know when a fellow good Samaritan might just turn out to be Mr. Right, you already know he cares about others, brownie points! 

The point is my lovlies that too many of us sit on the couch and wonder why our love lives have lost that loving feeling. You and only you are responsible for your happiness, to put all that pressure on a single relationship is not only foolhardy, it's dangerous, sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to and that's okay. Read that last sentence again and repeat after me. "I am a whole human being, with goals,glowing accomplishments and can have fun without being part of an "us". Wanting to be part of a group is a perfectly normal human urge, it's how we survived through the eons. But since we no longer need to hunt in packs or gather the wheat from the field, you can afford to learn a new language, write a novel or do any of the things you normally wouldn't have time to do in a relationship. 


So go grab your best friend, head over to the karoke bar and sing your heart out, look fabulous while doing it, and trust me someone will notice your awesome fashion sense, bravery and fun loving ways, get back to being who you are and the right things,and the right people will fall into your life effortlessly.
-The Chubby Girl In the World

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Winning Bet- The demise of Hedge Fund

So remember Hedge Fund? (see post labeled "Crisis General")the guy who I couldn't make up my mind about whether or not he was hurt and sensitive or just pure jerkwad, well Johnny tell her what she's won! (fake announcer voice) a friend and I were discussing the whole situation and he said a good way to tell a lot about a guy is to ask him what his favorite position is. "His answer will reveal what he thinks about you, not necesarrily the truth, but it will tell you how he feels about you, if he gives a sweet sensitive answer he's bull shitting you, if he gives you a halfway dirty, halfway sweet answer he's flirting and if he just doesn't answer or laughs it off he's into you and doesn't want to scare you away." So this is advice from a male friend I take no responsibility for its authenticity or relevancy lol. So I asked Hedge Fund what his favorite position and this was his reply via text, verbatim, I have changed nothing.
"I like for the woman to be on top, if she knows what she's doing."
Okay none of that seems too bad until you actually stop to think about it. So not only does this guy expect a female to do all the work, now I have to worry about my score? Can I please see the grading rubric before hand please? Exactly what will be on this quiz Mr. Hedge Fund, is multiple choice or essay? (Chuckling uncontrollably)


I mean really? I got the distinct feeling that this guy was really the love 'em and leave 'em type, which is fine if you're honest about it, just tell it like it is dude. I mean I probably would've had more understanding for someone who just came out and said "I'm not looking for anything serious and I'm just kinda looking for someone to "hang out" with." I can respect that kind of honesty. But if that was supposed to be game, you need to change your play book honey, because in the words of Beyonce "you must not know about me."
-Chubby Girl In The World

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Big "C" question

Don't worry lovlies I don't have cancer. What I mean by the Big "C" is the question of children. How do you decide whether or not to get involved with someone who has them? I've been of a very strong firm stance for many years, the answer is no. 

The reason being is that I'm in my mid-twenties and I believed it to be a sign of irresponsibility and gross negligence;I have to say most of the guys my age who have children aren't exactly nominees for Father of the year. This being said I've learned some new found lessons while I'm forced into public transportation(waiting to buy a new car, long story) I see this guy on the bus every morning on my way to work. I tote my designer bag and overpriced shoes and jumbo sized gourmet coffee with me everywhere, these are completely selfish and pretty much useless vices when you come to think of it. This guy proudly carries around his daughters Dora the Explorer stroller, lunch box and backpack. He takes her to school everyday, laughs with her, tells her to be good and wipes her runny nose. This is what a Dad should be.

So why do I still feel a polite repulsion to dating guys with kids? Am I really just a closet Cruella Deville? I had this private fight with myself while watching them morning, part of me wanted to be a part of that world, another part of me wanted to run screaming in the other direction towards the nearest bar where children are definitely not allowed. I think the issue isn't that I don't like children, but that because of my own not so perfect Dad experience, I want that idyllic family, the one who has no issues, works out their problems with a game of Scrabble or NHL 2010 whichever one the occasion calls for. So perhaps it's the fact that I want to find someone to start a family with instead of having to try and fit into someone else's pre-started one? I'm not sure if this is a fear of rejection, or just plain selfishness, maybe it's a little bit of both, but I can't help wondering will I miss out on Mr. Right because he rocks a #1 Dad shirt?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Amazingly Good Coffee break

So I'm a big fan of being proactive, going out and getting what you want and taking no prisoners. I've recently applied this attitude to my dating life, with online dating there is no reason not to have a date (ok so you take your chances on quality and possible kidnapping but hey, that's the risk you take) on Saturday night. Besides it's been a very quick and easy way to weed people out, it has not been an uncommon thing for me to have seen someone's profile on a site and then bump into them at a  club or in public somewhere, sometimes it comes in handy because I already know we're not compatible from their either their lack of wordsmithing abilities or their complete disregard for punctuation.

However, today fate as it were (pick your deity here) intervened. I was walking out of the B&N where I grabbed my turbo lunch and I accidently bumped into a tall, dark, handsome stranger. Unfortunately some of my raspberry white mocha did end up on his pants but here's the kicker, he apologized to me! As I was frantically searching my purse for the Tide pen I always carry I was stammering out an apology. "I'm so sorry are you okay? Usually I wait until someone offends me to throw something on them." I was trying to desperately be funny. I looked up and he had the most amazingly blue eyes (a weakness of mine), he smiled what can only be described as mega watt grin and said "No scorched earth, I think I'll live. So will I have to jump in front of your coffee again to talk to you, or maybe I could just call you?" I couldn't help it, I busted up laughing as I handed him a card with my number on it, business cards are so useful like that. So Hot Pants McGee gave me his card and the deed was done.

So you see my lovlies yes, you should be proactive in your search, you should have the highest standards, reach for the stars in your love life, in your career in life in general. If you have that attitude and "act in accord" like the metaphysical people say what and who you are supposed to be doing will just naturally come to you.
 -The Chubby Girl in the World

Monday, April 12, 2010

Shattering the "Big Girl" myth

Now I know that most men are decent, law abiding, courteous human beings, unfortunately there are a few good douche bags out there making you all look bad. These are the kind of men who go to clubs, bars, dating sites specifically looking for chubby girls not because they love and adore and cherish the culture to which I belong, but because they truly believe in their heart of hearts that chubby girls will do anything and everything because they are attention deprived.

Now this is not completely their fault, it is simply a misunderstanding and miseducation. A chubby girl is no more likely to sleep with you than the skinny girl down at the bar, as a matter of fact come to think of it the chubby girl is less likely to. You see as a Chubby girl the world around me has assaulted my self esteem from adolescence to the present day so I had to develop coping mechanisms, develop a personality and other good traits with which to feel good about, I became for all intents and purposes a well adjusted person who likes herself. The poor skinny girl at the bar has been told her whole life she must be pretty, timid, submissive and depend on the attentions of men to feel good about herself, she is really the one at a disadvantage unbeknowst to the douche bag who is trying to screw them both over, literally.

This waste of oxygen actually believes that the chubby girl should feel "lucky" to be noticed by him. Oh wait you're an std infested, narcissist who wants to use me? Oh yes, sign me up for that, jeez.  The point is my lovlies that you do not have to be a victim of the d-bag brigade and you don't have to be a victim of self loathing. Most of the chubby girls I know are well adjusted, productive members of society. I know there are some of you out there struggling with who you are, who you wish you were and ultimately who you will become, here's the deal. You're the one in charge and ultimately you will decide what rules you choose to follow. There is nothing wrong with going out and having a good time, there's nothing wrong with wanting more than just causal randomness, and there's nothing wrong with mixing it up a bit either. Please just remember that you are defined by your actions, your accomplishments and yourself not by the outmoded and insane ideas of the least of society, so here's to demolishing the myth and taking back your power.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Crisis General-When the problem may be him

April 11, 2010
File Name: Hedge Fund 
Operation:Crisis Negotiation

Do you ever get the feeling from some people that they create drama and crisis where there is none in order to gain sympathy or cover up their blatant faults as human beings? I've been texting back and forth with the one person who seems to always be in a constant state of turmoil. Now it is unclear to me whether this is because he is understandably having a difficult time as so many of us do from time to time or if it because it is an all too convenient cover for the fact that he is hedging his bets.

I would like to be understanding, accepting and trusting of these crisis situations which this person may be going through. I would also like a straight up honest answer to the questions I have, without being made to feel guilty or like the bad guy when I expect a phone call instead of a text, which is the universal way to say yes I would talk to you, if only I cared enough.

So the question becomes, do I wait around to see if the drama is a one time tv special or is it going to be syndicated on a weekly basis? What would you do in this situation? Do you play the understanding girl who will be there for you, or do you cut your losses and move on?
-CG

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Dirty Little Secret

Immersed in the world of online dating, like so many other young people who work full time and have other hobbies and pursuits I don't have time to wait around a coffee shop for a handsome officer and a gentleman. I need to know the facts, Dano just the facts and we can take it from there. There are plenty of good and legitmate sites out there for the working gal like myself. I'm a member of Plentyoffish and Okcupid, both free and decently laid out.

Online dating has become so popular because in theory, you get to know a little about someone through their profile, you can see if you have the same hobbies, taste in music, or even a mutual complete disregard for spelling. I did something last night I've never done and swore to myself I would never do.

I had a casual fling with someone I had just met, we'll call him Half Baked, as it seems to be his perpetual state. Though we were responsible I can't help feeling a little guilty. I really had no intention of doing so with this person but something just clicked and my responses seemed on auto pilot. He was gentle with his touch and very enthusiastic which always makes for a fun time, I was completely out of my element and was probably more up tight than necessary, but this was completely new territory for me. I have a very strong suspicion he's a practiced veteran, every move seemed with motive and carefully planned, but none of it was disrespectful so we'll let it slide. There's a difference between being played for a sucker and letting mutually beneficial things happen.

I thought I would feel worse, I had always believed that love and sex should go hand in hand and that to do otherwise was a recipe for catastrophe. I thought that I would somehow feel used after this but the truth is though I feel a bit embarassed at the ease in which this happened I can't say that I'm damaged in any way. I think there comes a point in every womans life where she just needs to know she's desirable, it doesn't always have to be a long drawn out love affair. 

Though I love the feeling of being in love, of having someone to cuddle up next to and know that person feels something deep and lasting for me I realized last night that you can still have a fun time with someone without being in love with them, don't get me wrong if he was on fire I would throw him an Evian but for the first time in my life I have only a first name to remember and it was clean break with both parties leaving satisfied. I don't intend to make this a habit but it's like ice cream, every once in a while I girl needs a sundae without dinner first. Here's to Half Baked special brownie sundaes.

-The Chubby Girl In the World (listening to Yhe Donna's)