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Showing posts from 2010

Who I wish you were- a poem for Ruben

I wish you were the one who taught me how to drive
the one who wiped my eyes dry when I cried, the one who made sure Christmas was special, the one who could make everything okay with a phone call, but you're the one who made me shed a million tears, the one who left me empty and with countless fears, there is something missing in me because you weren't wise enough to see the gift that was me.

Now I'm a woman grown and you don't get back what you've thrown to the winds.
I'm strong, wise, loving and courageous in spite of you, you didn't break me, your absence has not left me deflated and sad, because someone loved me even though you didn't know what you had. I forgive you because I cannot find it in me to hate, but friends have to trust, to believe and with you this just cannot be, I won't allow you to steal my joy, to rock the foundation I've built, it's a shame that you didn't treasure your family. I wish you the best, may God keep yo…

4 am and everything is perfect

t is sleeping after an awesome night together, it's my birthday weekend or the weekend before my 26th birthday, christmas is right around the corner and life is so perfect. A year ago I was recovering from one of the worsts times in my life. But all those long ago tragedies seem like they happened to someone else and right now, in the twilight hours, before the sun comes up and the gentle sound of t's snoring everything is perfect. This is my favorite time of day, where nothing is expected of us, nothing is pressing upon our time and we are free to either ponder the mysteries of the universe or if you're anything like me, listen to some Flogging Molly and enjoy the blogosphere.
the Archer, signing off from the wee hours of perfection

Being the big bad Brownie

I have such a hard time relating to the staunch anti-immigration section of politics, I can understand the need to secure borders against mounting terrorist threats but what I cannot fathom from a capitalist country and people who claim they are for a "free market", is the demonization of people who wash our cars, pick our produce, clean houses and do any and every other menial job they can so their children can have a better education, a better life, the American dream not for them but for the next generation. This kind of hatred is nothing new to our country, the Irish, Chinese, Italian and Russian communities have all experienced their time in the spot light as the "other", that which is "bad", you know those other people who are taking the jobs we are supposedly entitled to because we happened to be born into a country of infinite opportunity and possibility?

Really when was the last time you applied to be a lettuce picker? Do people really believe t…

The Socialist and the Party of Mad Hatters

I am the proud daughter of a single mother who worked two jobs to support her children, my mother never once accepted or sought out state or federal aid during her working career. She believed in the capitalist economic model, working for years to pay the rent, put food on the table and make miracles at Christmas. I was taught from a young age that if you don't work you don't eat, to never depend on anyone but yourself and to be independent in all my business dealings. 

Imagine my surprise when someone recently deemed me "comrade" Stefanie, as in you know those scary people who want to make us all stand in bread lines and drink vodlka for breakfast? Although a light hearted jab from a friend I was flummoxed by the accusation. What could prompt such a crazy jump? Because I as a forward leaning American believe that we need to hold not only normal citizens fiscally accountable, we need to hold corporations, massive organizations and the financial sector responsible for …

Long distance relationships, our first reader question and how I still believe in Americans

So Mr. Big and I don't exactly live next door to each other, he commutes 2 hours back and forth just to see me for a day or two once a week. With all the technology at our fingertips, both of us agree there is no substitute for real, face time. I never thought anyone could care about me enough, love me enough or think I was special enough to make such a trip once, let alone over and over again just to be with lil ole me. You would think the distance would diminish the flames of desire after a time but no such thing has happened thus far, in fact it merely becomes an inferno when we do get to see each other. LDRs (long distance relationships) are not the ideal for anyone and work for very few, but with us it just seems to click. We seamlessly transition from cuddling to debating national foreign policy.Yes our civil liberties and the accurate accounting of our history is currently in danger from crazy factions who are merely puppets in a much grander scheme that has everything to d…

According to me you don't matter any more

This is not for you, the one who hurt me, betrayed me, beat down my soul, no this is for me, this is for the anger, the pain, the sorrow you've caused, it is the requiem of all of those things for after this, I will leave them and never think of them or you again. I've spent so much time in darkness, so much time wasted believing you, all the horrible things you told me, all the time wishing I could make you better, hoping some how we would get through it. I did nothing to deserve the torture you meted out, and loved you, trusted you even though you gave me no cause or reason to do either.

After the bruises healed, and the doctors told me my injuries were "relatively minor" I took me and my broken ribs home, I looked around at the wreckage that had become my life with you. I decided that it had been enough, that I had given enough to you. I left everything, wanted nothing from you and like always that is exactly what I received, you never once even tried to find out …

The Return of Mr. Big

Love is a terrifying ordeal, and someone very wise once told me we do things for two reasons, fear and love. Love defies all laws of the universe, it is faster than light, it outlives both its source and its destination and leaves a lasting impression for future observers, something no other force in our known universe can do. We open our selves up to rejection, to devastation and we must ask ourselves why? It is not in our nature to be single, we group together out of necessity and throughout the ages we've developed very intricate mating rituals in order to determine the best mate. We all look for different things, but I think the one thing so many of us overlook, is that sometimes things just work. You don't know why, it may even drive you crazy not to know why but sometimes, and this is one of those times, things just are. Being in love is a constant state of vulnerability, it requires you to trust another human being with your heart, to know that they won't reject the…

THE Question-How soon is too soon?

I recently went out with a guy who was an amazing kisser, when I mentioned this fact to my mother she said "you kissed him on the first date? Gross." Those were her exact words. Imagine how slutty I felt, but being the smart ass I am I said "Mom this is the twenty first century, most people skip the kissing nowadays." She snorted and looked down her nose at me which immediately made me feel like a teenager again who had done something I wasn't supposed to, but after thinking about it, screw that! 

In the words of the immortal and genius Donnas "I get what I want and I like what I see, take it off baby for me." Can we really sum up our generation any better? Let's be honest we've all at least wanted to go home with someone based on their looks alone and until recently I had never acted on this impulse, I thought that suffering through three mediocre dates justified my carnal lust on the fourth. But I believe this to have been a complete waste of…

He's just not that into me, the beauty of love, and my "Mr. Big"

I'm an independent woman, I'm a mama who rocks all her own dolla's but I firmly believe when a dude calls you up to hang out with him, it should be to actually go do something, other than make out and feel you up. I've been getting these phone calls around 8-9 on weekends asking me to meet up with someone, not to "go out" but to inevitably end up in the back seat of a car steaming up the windows. Now... take this with a grain of salt, I have no problem with this arrangement if it's understood that this is a "short term needs" kinda situation. Whereas this man is an amazing kisser, not so amazing in the emotional department a hazard area for Scorpio men I think. Don't tell me I'm the only one you're talking to or even making out with when I know damn well that isn't the truth, and you know damn well you're not the only one. My point is, if you're diggin' my mad skills at manipulating your hormones and you're just i…

The Queen Bee and the Bird man (Golly gee wilikers Bird man!)

Have you ever had friends so awesome they come to your rescue and invite you out for frosties too? I do and here's why my Queen Bee and Bird man are the most amazing people you could ever find. Queenie is someone who takes charges of any situation, you know that when she walks in you better listen up, but this isn't based on hubris or arrogance, she just knows what she's doing and isn't afraid to be who she is (Freaking Awesome!) she's someone who is a fierce friend and even though we lost touch for a long time (my fault) when we found each other again it's like we'd never missed a day, she's always been there through thick and thin and she's someone who has taught me the true meaning of friendship, being someone who will come through when it matters most, she's tried her damndest to make me a neater, more fashionable person as well unfortunately those lessons are being much more slowly absorbed but I have a feeling she's not giving up any t…

Women Empowering Themselves thru fashion, fun and frivolity.

Did you ever secretly wonder why that girl who is a little more homely, chubby, shorter (etc.) was able to get a date and you're dance card hasn't been punched in many moons? Admit it we all go through the "I'm so much prettier than her." conversations with ourselves, we start the horrible spiral into unattractive bitchiness by comparing ourselves to people with mates, which only creates a vortex of self-loathing which leads to a bucket full of lonely because let's face it, a bitchy narcissistic sounding woman does not dating material make. It's time to stop the madness! The girl who is supposedly not up to par in your eyes at that moment of weakness just happened to find someone compatible and the trick she used? She was just living her life, so don't hate on her. So the question becomes how to break this cycle. The answer believe it or not I have found is simple!

Go out and have fun, the kind of fun you used to have when you were part of a couple an…

The Winning Bet- The demise of Hedge Fund

So remember Hedge Fund? (see post labeled "Crisis General")the guy who I couldn't make up my mind about whether or not he was hurt and sensitive or just pure jerkwad, well Johnny tell her what she's won! (fake announcer voice) a friend and I were discussing the whole situation and he said a good way to tell a lot about a guy is to ask him what his favorite position is. "His answer will reveal what he thinks about you, not necesarrily the truth, but it will tell you how he feels about you, if he gives a sweet sensitive answer he's bull shitting you, if he gives you a halfway dirty, halfway sweet answer he's flirting and if he just doesn't answer or laughs it off he's into you and doesn't want to scare you away." So this is advice from a male friend I take no responsibility for its authenticity or relevancy lol. So I asked Hedge Fund what his favorite position and this was his reply via text, verbatim, I have changed nothing.
"I like f…

The Big "C" question

Don't worry lovlies I don't have cancer. What I mean by the Big "C" is the question of children. How do you decide whether or not to get involved with someone who has them? I've been of a very strong firm stance for many years, the answer is no. 

The reason being is that I'm in my mid-twenties and I believed it to be a sign of irresponsibility and gross negligence;I have to say most of the guys my age who have children aren't exactly nominees for Father of the year. This being said I've learned some new found lessons while I'm forced into public transportation(waiting to buy a new car, long story) I see this guy on the bus every morning on my way to work. I tote my designer bag and overpriced shoes and jumbo sized gourmet coffee with me everywhere, these are completely selfish and pretty much useless vices when you come to think of it. This guy proudly carries around his daughters Dora the Explorer stroller, lunch box and backpack. He takes her to …

Amazingly Good Coffee break

So I'm a big fan of being proactive, going out and getting what you want and taking no prisoners. I've recently applied this attitude to my dating life, with online dating there is no reason not to have a date (ok so you take your chances on quality and possible kidnapping but hey, that's the risk you take) on Saturday night. Besides it's been a very quick and easy way to weed people out, it has not been an uncommon thing for me to have seen someone's profile on a site and then bump into them at a  club or in public somewhere, sometimes it comes in handy because I already know we're not compatible from their either their lack of wordsmithing abilities or their complete disregard for punctuation.

However, today fate as it were (pick your deity here) intervened. I was walking out of the B&N where I grabbed my turbo lunch and I accidently bumped into a tall, dark, handsome stranger. Unfortunately some of my raspberry white mocha did end up on his pants but he…

Shattering the "Big Girl" myth

Now I know that most men are decent, law abiding, courteous human beings, unfortunately there are a few good douche bags out there making you all look bad. These are the kind of men who go to clubs, bars, dating sites specifically looking for chubby girls not because they love and adore and cherish the culture to which I belong, but because they truly believe in their heart of hearts that chubby girls will do anything and everything because they are attention deprived.

Now this is not completely their fault, it is simply a misunderstanding and miseducation. A chubby girl is no more likely to sleep with you than the skinny girl down at the bar, as a matter of fact come to think of it the chubby girl is less likely to. You see as a Chubby girl the world around me has assaulted my self esteem from adolescence to the present day so I had to develop coping mechanisms, develop a personality and other good traits with which to feel good about, I became for all intents and purposes a well adju…

The Crisis General-When the problem may be him

April 11, 2010
File Name: Hedge Fund 
Operation:Crisis Negotiation

Do you ever get the feeling from some people that they create drama and crisis where there is none in order to gain sympathy or cover up their blatant faults as human beings? I've been texting back and forth with the one person who seems to always be in a constant state of turmoil. Now it is unclear to me whether this is because he is understandably having a difficult time as so many of us do from time to time or if it because it is an all too convenient cover for the fact that he is hedging his bets.

I would like to be understanding, accepting and trusting of these crisis situations which this person may be going through. I would also like a straight up honest answer to the questions I have, without being made to feel guilty or like the bad guy when I expect a phone call instead of a text, which is the universal way to say yes I would talk to you, if only I cared enough.

So the question becomes, do I wait around to …

Dirty Little Secret

Immersed in the world of online dating, like so many other young people who work full time and have other hobbies and pursuits I don't have time to wait around a coffee shop for a handsome officer and a gentleman. I need to know the facts, Dano just the facts and we can take it from there. There are plenty of good and legitmate sites out there for the working gal like myself. I'm a member of Plentyoffish and Okcupid, both free and decently laid out.

Online dating has become so popular because in theory, you get to know a little about someone through their profile, you can see if you have the same hobbies, taste in music, or even a mutual complete disregard for spelling. I did something last night I've never done and swore to myself I would never do.

I had a casual fling with someone I had just met, we'll call him Half Baked, as it seems to be his perpetual state. Though we were responsible I can't help feeling a little guilty. I really had no intention of doing so …